If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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