During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
