When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
