you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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