happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....