Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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  (206): i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to. http://tfl.nu/oxy7
  Replies (3) Good night (3052) Bad night (533)
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  (650): View more from California

  We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

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  (650): We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag. http://tfl.nu/1x8m
  Replies (19) Good night (1420) Bad night (5259)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
  Replies (21) Good night (1253) Bad night (4996)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (3450)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?

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  (952): Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed? http://tfl.nu/137p
  Replies (8) Good night (1864) Bad night (1014)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.

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  (314): You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left. http://tfl.nu/9ybp
  Replies (13) Good night (2703) Bad night (730)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed

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  (774): I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed http://tfl.nu/b36x
  Replies (11) Good night (2837) Bad night (668)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing

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  (512): studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing http://tfl.nu/zch9
  Replies (12) Good night (1598) Bad night (709)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?

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  (410): fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up? http://tfl.nu/rzhf
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (1376)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well

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  (319): I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well http://tfl.nu/7sxw
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (1554)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

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  (509): threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again http://tfl.nu/loxl
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (1137)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..

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  (614): This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day.. http://tfl.nu/r5zy
  Replies (4) Good night (966) Bad night (264)
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  (516): View more from New York

  No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.

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  (516): No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it. http://tfl.nu/ephi
  Replies (4) Good night (932) Bad night (328)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.

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  (651): We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it. http://tfl.nu/ubme
  Replies (5) Good night (1432) Bad night (320)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.

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  (414): wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me. http://tfl.nu/3pdz
  Replies (0) Good night (727) Bad night (232)

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