three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk