Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...