So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
