if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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