in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
