did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
