just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FUCK WHALES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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