So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
