I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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