I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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