So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
two words...techno handjob
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
