dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
