why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
