2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
