Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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