worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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