Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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