Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
