i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
