he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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