If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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