So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
