The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
