Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
