we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
