Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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