Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
