Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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