My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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