It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
