if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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