bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
