Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
