Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
