No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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