I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
