dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
