they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
