Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
