Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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