Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
