If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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