There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
