I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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