Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
