Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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