I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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