when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
