just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
