I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
