When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
