I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
