You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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