it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
