the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
