All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
