his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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