He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Me too!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
