Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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