We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
