Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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