I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
