it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
