Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As shirtless as possible
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
