I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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