My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
