the condom got lost in my hair
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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