i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
