I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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