swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
