Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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