It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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