I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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