I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
